Transcript

Veronica: If you're loving your child free life or exploring the child free choice, take a seat, my friends, because you just found your new home. I'm Veronica, a 48 year old child free coach who is living a happy and confident child free life with my partner, Rick, 

Rick: who's also gratefully child free, 

Veronica: and our dog, Eddie, here in Austin, Texas.

in Texas. My journey towards a child free life was confusing and rocky at first. So if you can relate to the anxiety of indecision, don't worry because I know exactly how to support you through my program is child free for me the essential guide to exploring a child free life. 

Rick: I'm Rick Veronica's partner.

I'm a 52 year old child free man who didn't realize until later in life that I actually had a choice about having children. And now. I'm fully aware that men are an equal part of the child free conversation. 

Veronica: Together, we are on a mission to connect child free people around the world through our private membership community, which by the way, y'all are all invited to [00:01:00] join 

Rick: and celebrate this path with the topics that matter to you most.

Veronica: Think of this podcast as your go to destination for living a child free life that truly lights you up. Welcome to the child free connection.

Rick: You know, I had a dream last night. That was 

Veronica: a very dramatic open. 

Rick: It was, it was very, 

Veronica: did you like it 

Rick: a 

Veronica: little bit? Sure. 

Rick: Do you want to hear my really, my tech nerd dream? I dreamed that we had our own podcast studio. We didn't produce out of a kitchen. I'm so over it. Oh, for those who don't can't tell my knees are banged up against the island that we're shooting this in and behind us, as you can see, is a stove and there's a sink right there.

If you're watching on YouTube and I just want to I just want a professional space. Is that too much to ask for? 

Veronica: I think we want a professional space. We just want the space to be able to do it without having to move all the furniture around. 

Rick: I know [00:02:00] you're like leaning over right now. 

Veronica: I know this is going to be very uncomfortable.

I can't do that. Well, you know why I'm leaning over? Because, okay. So Rick and I were watching YouTube, I guess it was last week at some point. And, and we showed up like ourselves, we're like, Oh God. And we clicked on it. And we have a very large TV in the living room. So our faces took up the whole entire screen.

And we were like, 

Rick: Oh my God, too much. And then I look at the other podcasts and everyone has these 

Veronica: professional. These, 

Rick: yeah, these loungy spaces with these murals on the wall and they're in these comfortable chairs. Some of them have like big tables and we're here like right up in your grill. If you're watching it on YouTube, all face, 

Veronica: not good, not good, but we hadn't realized that it was so up in your faces.

So sorry about that for those of you watching. So we both like, Sort of stepped [00:03:00] out of a little bit today, but definitely not enough. But the hope is that we do get to move this whole situation soon. We're just, again, in transition and it's been one nightmare after another. It's not a story we're going to get into for now.

Cause it's very long. But once we figure out where the hell we are living next, uh, hopefully we are going to have a better space so we don't have to do it this way. So. 

Rick: Now, before we get into today's topic, I do want to ask a question. What is with, and this has been, I've known this for a long time, but it's really hit a breaking point of just me trying to understand exactly why you don't watch previews, whether they're movies, whether they're TV shows, whether it's the coming up, like if we're watching a reality show and it's like up next and they show little 

Veronica: teasers, you 

Rick: can't watch these.

And I really feel like you're missing out. 

Veronica: Why? 

Rick: Because previews are the best of the best of the movie without ruining 

Veronica: it, but it gives so much away. It gives [00:04:00] the entire best scenes. Whenever it's trailers for a movie, it's always the funniest. scenes, the best scenes, the most dramatic, whatever it is. So I don't watch anything.

And this has been going on pretty much my whole life. I mean, I remember doing this in high school and college and putting a pillow over my head whenever preview went on and it is really dramatic. Dramatic drastic is the word I'm picking up because I will not. In the movie theater, I will not watch the trailers.

I will not watch the first few seconds of any show that will tease to what's going to happen later. So I'm very serious about it and you love them. So usually what happens is I throw a blanket over my head and then I close my eyes and I go, well, you watch it. And this happens pretty much every day.

Rick: Pretty much every time we watch television, anything. And I'm so obsessed with trailers. [00:05:00] I'm the opposite of you. I subscribe to YouTube channels that feature trailers only. I spend time watching trailers, but here's something that I'm confused by. They don't give away. All the good stuff in the plot, they would ruin the movie.

They know that they tease it. And also when they're teasing shows. So what is it? You don't even want to know the cliffhanger stuff. I 

Veronica: like to go in fresh. I like to go in fresh. 

Rick: And then I go in confused. Cause I need to have context of what the movie or the show is going to be about, or I get lost. 

Veronica: Yeah, no, I like to go in fresh.

I'm sure I would love to hear who our friends are listening. That are like me. I know there's more people like you because more people definitely watch previews and trailers, but yeah, if anyone is like me where they just do not want to see it and by the way, I'm going to tell you something. It has rubbed off on people that I know over the years because I do have friends that after a few years came over to my side of the fence and said, you know what?

I'm not going to watch them anymore either because it ruins it. So just, you [00:06:00] know, it's a whole, it's just a different perspective. 

Rick: All right. Maybe I'll give it a shot. Maybe I should try it. Maybe I'll enjoy it. Try it 

Veronica: before you knock it. 

Rick: All right. That's fair. Speaking of shows, we're hooked on 90 day fiance.

Veronica: I know. 

Rick: I mean, it's a problem. It is a problem. We're not getting as much work done. It's a real problem. We're like, I, what did I say earlier? I said, maybe we should push the podcast, which I'm happy. We didn't, by the way, and we should draw the shades and watch five back to back episodes of 90 day fiance. I know this show has been on for a long time.

I 

Veronica: know we just caught wind of it. We were out with our friends and we were talking about just trashy TV that we all love. And they said, have you been watching 90 day? And we're like, no. And I'm like, what is the concept? I don't understand. So we decided to just give it. We're on the last season that aired and we just decided to go for it and we're completely obsessed.

It's so good. 

Rick: Yeah. Should we bring up the conversation that the one couple had? 

Veronica: Yeah. So basically one of the couples, and [00:07:00] obviously it's nothing extraordinary because this happens all the time, had never discussed, uh, well, let me just backtrack and say 90 day fiance. They have 90 days together. Side if they're gonna get married.

So Right. Just that's what, that's what's happening. So they're about to get married and they are on a date with his sister, and they realized that they had never had the conversation about having kids. She does not want kids. He does. And just. Turmoil ensued immediately because he assumed that she knew, she assumed that he knew, and there was a lot of assumptions flying around, and it turned into a big, tumultuous, messy situation.

Rick: And then it turns out she had some medical issues, she had a cyst in her ovary, and she was nervous about conceiving and doing the whole thing. Right, but to be 

Veronica: fair, she didn't mention that either. She had Also discussed with him some medical history, and she also thought that he probably had put it together that conceiving was not going to be ideal, healthy [00:08:00] situation for her.

So there was a lot of assumptions flying around, which always happens. And this is why we always say, talk about it from the very, very beginning, because it just gets really complicated. So yeah, 

Rick: I think the line that bothered me the most was when he looked at her and you'll remember this line, I'm sure, and said, well, If we don't have kids, what the hell are we going to do with our life?

Veronica: Yes. 

Rick: First of all, all due respect to his situation. 

Veronica: Yeah. 

Rick: It's not like he was in a good place lifestyle wise. 

Veronica: Yes. 

Rick: Yes. He had an apartment. The bathroom wasn't even in the apartment. It was across the corridor. 

Veronica: Yeah. And that's the thing. I think that people just. Again, we don't know. And then people will say, childhood people are overthinking, but if you're really struggling financially where you're not able to live in a place that has a bathroom that's connected to your apartment, then the idea of having children should potentially be thought out a little bit further.

[00:09:00] Yeah. 

Rick: I mean, you got to think ahead. It's like any major decision. When you're making a big decision, you weigh everything in your life. You know, can I take care of it financially, you know, especially when it comes to having kids. And she brought that up. And he got mad that she was thinking too much into it, to your point, which really bothered me.

I would definitely recommend watching it. It is compelling television. 

Veronica: Crashy reality TV. It's so good. Every 

Rick: couple is a hot mess, which makes it even better. 

Veronica: We have so much to share today. There's a lot to talk about. But we do want to say that this is the last episode of our first season of the Childfree Connection podcast.

So we've officially completed a season. You and I are going to take a short hiatus just to get ourselves together, to think about the next season. We've been talking to some potential guests, seeing if we can explore that a little bit. So we're really excited. There's going to be some behind the [00:10:00] scenes work going on while we're away, but just know that we are definitely coming back.

We're not going anywhere. We're just taking a little bit of a break. So I'm excited for that. 

Rick: Season two is going to be amazing. We're really excited. We're planning it out. So like you said, short hiatus and we will be back soon. 

Veronica: Yeah. And while we're on our short break, please tell people about the podcast, share it with their child.

Be friends. Uh, we're going to start putting some more clips up so people know, cause we're still meeting people online that. Tell us that they had no idea that we have a podcast. So that's on us. We need to do a better job doing that. And please take a moment. If you have been listening to the podcast to, uh, rate us, write us a review, subscribe to the channel, all that good stuff.

Rick: Sign up for our newsletter at the childfree connection. com because we put out reminders for that as well. 

Veronica: And we will continue to send out the newsletter, even though we're not doing the podcast. So make sure you do that. And yeah. So spread the word. We're excited to start season two. I am looking forward to today's topic because we [00:11:00] are going to discuss what to do when you find yourself overthinking about your future.

future, and we all do this. We'll share some examples of how you and I have even done this this week, because sometimes it happens every day. And then also to our friends listening, this pertains to not just our daily life, but yeah, you overthink your child, your future, what's going to happen. What if my partner is not here?

Will I be alone? What's going to happen to my finances? Do I need a health proxy? And then you just start going on and on. We want to make sure that we give you some tips to avoid that. 

Rick: So I want to share something. I know we weren't going to discuss this because there's trauma attached with what we're about to share, but I feel like we need to, and this will be the last time we talk about it ever because we haven't even 

Veronica: told our friends.

Rick: I told one person. I told my brother. 

Veronica: Oh, you did. Okay. By the way, he 

Rick: thought it was just as outrageous. 

Veronica: Okay. So 

Rick: I feel good about finally getting this out to [00:12:00] everyone. Okay. 

Veronica: We've called it the incident. 

Rick: We went to a very nice resort that we know very well. 

Veronica: Yes. 

Rick: We like it because it has an adult only pool.

So we were very excited about our day. 

Veronica: Very excited. 

Rick: We show up. We start having a good time. We order a little food, we go in the water, we get out of the water and Veronica says, Hey, let's go grab a drink at the bar. I'd like you to pick it up from there. 

Veronica: As we're walking back to the pool, we see a lot of activity happening at the adult only pool, and you can tell that people have been really excited.

Escorted out of the area and there are some maintenance staff. The manager is there and our stuff was still by the pool. So we were walking towards it and she says to us, Oh, we're just cleaning the pool. If you can just move your stuff to the other area, if you don't mind, sorry about the inconvenience, which was fine.

And as we're going to grab our stuff, the couple next to us is packing up and they are just 

Rick: horrified. 

Veronica: Horrified saying all these things and we say, [00:13:00] why are we being moved to the other pool? Because we want to stay in the adult only pool and they said that we're being moved because somebody went number two in the pool 

Rick: Adult only pool 

Veronica: in the adult only pool and as she was saying that rick was behind me Grabbing our towels and grabbing our bag getting ready to step away I look over You And witnessed what she was talking 

Rick: about, hence the trauma.

Veronica: Yes. And it was extremely, extremely disturbing and really ruined a big. Our day. And what we kept saying was good thing that we went to the bar, we had a drink. We hung out at the bar for a while. We just took our time before we came back because had we not done that, we would have been in the pool when the incident occurred, which would have been.

10X gross. It was a really bad situation. We're really [00:14:00] disturbed. And then to top it all off, because we haven't talked about it again, because we're just both have the ache so bad. And then this morning I had to go to the eye doctor. Rick had to come with me because they said that they were going to, what is that they were going to do to me?

Dilate my eyes or something. Yeah. So anyway, so Rick came and we are driving along the service road of the highway. And we look over to our right and there is a man who is naked going number two 

Rick: on the side of the road. This is 

Veronica: two days after the pool incident. 

Rick: And I'm just, 

Veronica: and 

Rick: what did I say? I said, we're literally surrounded by shit.

This is disgusting. 

Veronica: So anyway, we'll move past it. 

Rick: On another note. We went for a walk yesterday and we stopped by this apartment complex to look at an apartment and we couldn't get in. The rationale behind people right now just seems mind [00:15:00] boggling to me. Go ahead and explain what happened. 

Veronica: Let's backtrack a little bit.

We're not just walking randomly into buildings. Rick and I like to look at real estate. So sometimes on the weekends, we'll go look at condos at houses. We go into rentals and we stop by a leasing office and tour into a building that looks interested. We always just like to know what's coming up and what's being built and what's happening.

And this is one of the buildings that have recently opened in our area. We go to the leasing office and here, I don't remember this in New York. So you are required each person that is going to be taking a tour and it's not a self guided tour. It's a tour with the agent has to hand in their driver's license before they can do it.

And Rick and I were on a walk, so I didn't bring my wallet. So Rick had his, but I didn't have mine. And they refused to let us in. And. We understand policy obviously, and it was a hundred percent my fault that it didn't have it. But we couldn't understand why the [00:16:00] policy was in place because someone is going to be with us the whole time.

They were going to be holding on to your license. So it didn't make sense to us from a business perspective that we could both be potentially interested in a property and grab it, but they missed out on that opportunity. 

Rick: I like things to make sense. And then I can check. That box move on in life, but for whatever reason, my physical I.

D. A picture of your I. D. 

Veronica: Yes. Oh, that's right. I did have a picture of my idea on my phone, so I did offer that to them. Yeah, 

Rick: you were email. You're gonna email them. Um, and then an escort throughout the building the entire time. And it just doesn't make sense. 

Veronica: It was strange. And then it also reminds me of, I was watching some other show the other day.

I can't remember what it was. And they were talking about looking for their forever home. And that phrasing is interesting to me because I feel that it's very conditioned, [00:17:00] just like we're conditioned to believe that we all have to have children, that you need to buy food. Find and buy this forever home.

It's interesting how that idea of a forever home and the pressure to buy it and to have it and to make it perfect still exists when in reality, we don't really have to, especially if you're a child free, commit to a home or a condo or any property, right? 

Rick: Yeah. I mean, this whole idea of anything that is forever.

Is bothering me more and more because in my opinion, that gets boring quick. I just don't like being handcuffed me personally. And I understand some people just want to be settled down in their forever home and live their life. I think the world's a lot different than the 1950s when that was the traditional way.

Veronica: Yeah, we each have to do what we want to do. I just don't like the idea of. Labels and feeling like [00:18:00] you need to have this forever home or you need to purchase it or you're running out of time. I just can't stand any of those societal pressures that people put on us or that young people are getting nowadays.

So it's just something that we're uber aware of and really like to just highlight whenever we see it. Okay. So I had to take some notes today because I was thinking about so many things. And yeah, 

Rick: so 

Veronica: I wanted to talk about what to do when we catch ourselves overthinking about the future. And the reason I think you and I originally brought this up is because not only were we doing it, but we talked to a couple of our friends this week who are doing it as well.

And we're not talking about anxiety disorder or high levels of pathological overthinking. We're just talking about everyday overthinking, which so many of us. do. And we wanted to talk about four tips that we can give you that we do that maybe can just help you settle your mind a bit. 

Rick: This is a big one for me.[00:19:00] 

Settling my mind has been a challenge, as you know, when it comes to everything in my life. That's why I read a lot of books on this. And like, I, 

Veronica: that's why I breathe a lot too. 

Rick: Yes. And I'm actually reading a book right now that helps me on this very topic. So I'm excited to talk about it. 

Veronica: So what I found interesting was that I was reading about overthinking the other day and it said how oftentimes we confuse.

Overthinking with problem solving. So we go into this loop thinking that we are going to find a solution, but we're just building the fear and the stress and the anxiety and the worry as we go along. So that just really hit me that the idea of finding a solution. is probably the motivation to stay stuck in this loop when a solution is nowhere near.

Rick: Yeah. And the [00:20:00] problem is, is that we're all programmed this way. And I know this because I'm reading a book on this very thing. As I mentioned, the human brain is programmed to Solve problems. And that also means solving problems that don't exist yet. Right. So arresting that situation is crucial in the now.

So you do not drive yourself nuts because you can, I mean, I do it all the time. And it's very hard to unplug. 

Veronica: And the reason that we drive ourselves nuts is uncertainty. Right? Because we don't know. And I deal with this a lot in the women with the women who come into my program is child free for me. I actually just got a phone with someone who just signed up for my September program.

And by the way, if you are feeling uncertain about being child free, you think that you're leaning towards it because you're not feeling drawn towards motherhood, but you still have anxiety and worry and stress, whether you're making the right decision. Go to it's shelfie for me. com, uh, to [00:21:00] take a look at my September program.

But yeah, this is the whole thing that you are in a state of uncertainty. And when we're in a state of our uncertainty, like we said, we can't find the solution. We go into a loop and it's really, really, really hard to step out of it. Unless we actually do something about it, we can get lost in it. 

Rick: Yeah, because you're, you know, it's fight or flight and you want to try to control the situation.

You'd want to try to control this thing that may or may not happen in the future and it, and it can be exhausting and it's very unhealthy. It actually snowballs in a way because one thing will then say, well, if I'm not worrying about, if I'm worrying about this, I need to worry about this too. And the next thing you know, you're stacking up your worry.

Column right? Much more than what is the reality of happening at the present. And then you lose focus of your present, which is a whole problem in itself. 

Veronica: It's really, really important that we take a hold of it. And I actually saw this quote that I wanted to share with everyone. The more we worry about [00:22:00] something, the more we train our brains to think about it.

Rick: 100%. 

Veronica: Yeah. And it just makes so much sense because you're literally training your brain to not stop thinking about this one thing that you want to stop thinking about. 

Rick: This easily translates into the child free space. Right. 

Veronica: Because people are constantly telling us that we're going to be bored, that we're going to be unfulfilled, that we're never going to find joy.

What are we going to do when we're older? Who's going to take care of us? What's going to happen with our money? What's going going to happen with your stuff, the state, the city, the country's going to take it. You know, it's just goes on and on and on. So it's important to know that anytime someone makes a comment or you see something and then you start to overthink about it, that you actually take some steps.

So let's talk about the first thing that we can do. 

Rick: So this comes straight from the book that I'm reading. It's Eckhart Tolle, the power of now and a. Talks a lot about being a thought watcher and that just, those two words really resonated with [00:23:00] me because we do live, most of our fears live in the future.

And if you can be aware that when these thoughts come into your head and you can pinpoint it, you can stop them in their tracks temporarily, sometimes permanently, but you can see them coming in. You can almost smile at them and say, wow, this is about to destroy my day about these. These worries that are coming and you can recognize and acknowledge them.

Veronica: Yeah, absolutely. Acknowledgement is definitely the number one thing to do, because if we don't acknowledge it, we, there's no way that we can stay out of the loop. So I completely agree with you. And the second thing that you and I do is to find a source of distraction. This is really super, super important.

About a week ago, I was laying in bed. You were out here in the living room and I just found myself getting really Depressed probably in addition to whatever I was worrying about. And I started watching some really [00:24:00] emotional, sad drama that was just making me feel worse, so I just decided to change it up and I found wedding crashers and I started watching that and it completely shifted my mood and I remember.

Clearly that people say like distract yourself with comedy is a really easy way to do it and it really worked. I started to feel better. I started to laugh and there's so many different ways to start distracting ourselves. I do not recommend using social media as a distraction because oftentimes the source of our anxiety and our worry is in our social media feed.

So that's definitely not the way to go. 

Rick: Well, it's been proven that like doom scrolling will make you feel worse and more depressed. Why do you think, and this is common, when you're feeling depressed, a lot of the times you go to something equivalent to that, like a drama or a sad movie, or you want to vent to someone that is also depressed, the whole misery loves company thing.

Why do you think that is? I don't know the answer, but I'm just asking the question. Well. So interesting. 

Veronica: Well, I wasn't even realizing I was [00:25:00] doing it, which is why I'm saying that I caught myself that I was just almost bathing in my depression, anxiety and worry and sadness. Um, this happens, for example, when during a breakup and then you play like every song that is your song, his song, her song, and you just.

it. And then you just go through the old photos and you go through the old videos. Maybe you go to their Instagram or their TikTok account and you just swipe and you watch and you, and you just drive yourself insane. So that's exactly what we're talking about here is just catching ourselves and not doing that.

I don't know why we do that, but I assume. I assume it's just because we're just like in it and we just want to be in it even more and not realizing that we're actually just causing ourselves so much more unnecessary grief. 

Rick: By the way, I also think a great distraction, I mean the comedy thing, I love that movie wedding crashers.

That's a great go to if you're feeling down, it's funny every time it holds up. But another thing for me that's [00:26:00] really helped is just go outside. Even if you don't want to go for a walk, get out. 

Veronica: Yes. 

Rick: Into nature. If you have some trees that are around you, that's even better. But just get out into nature.

Ground yourself with the earth. I know this sounds really woo woo, like, Ooh, I'm going to go ground myself with the earth and go, you know, but it's true. I mean, I have witnessed it helping me when I, when I get depressed or anxious, I walk outside and I'm usually better. 

Veronica: Yeah. I mean, I have to go far. Yeah, I do it almost every day.

I mean, the, my walks in nature are my saving grace. It just makes all the difference in the world and it shifts your mood completely from the time you step out the door till the time you go back. So yeah, going for a walk, even doing something around the house. If you're the kind of person that likes to clean or organize, go ahead and do that.

But just stop. Paying attention to the loop that is going inside your head and trying to find something else to do. I think it's definitely the most important thing. 

Rick: You know, that's funny. I recently listened to this other podcast where they [00:27:00] said, if you do anything in your day, make your bed because in your mind, even though you think that's such a small, easy, quick thing to do, Task in your mind, you have accomplished something in the day.

That's why I'm so, so big on making the bed every morning. Not that I've been doing it every time. Cause we've been busy, but that's, that's, we've been so distracted. We haven't had time to make the bed, take on some chores because that alone makes me feel better. It's all these small little things. It's really interesting.

Veronica: Yeah, absolutely. And I do want to give you some credit here because the next. Tip that we want to give is to practice some self compassion And I think that you just did this a couple days ago We had another situation with your eye and just to give our friends here some background rick a few years ago had a retina detachment which is a Very very difficult situation To heal from there's a long recovery period.

It's very stressful. It's very high anxiety. It's very [00:28:00] uncomfortable. And you pretty much are frozen and cannot do anything. And you're just laying face down for weeks and weeks and weeks. So not ideal situation. And you thought that maybe you're. Retina had detached again, you went to a doctor, they told you they didn't.

But I know that you definitely practiced some self compassion because that's what I was seeing happen. Yeah. I 

Rick: mean, I just, I just took a deep breath and I didn't panic as horrible as that procedure and the recovery is. I said to myself, look, we can't control the things that happened to us. It's how we handled it.

I sat outside for a little bit as we were just talking about. And I said, you know what? I'm the kind of person that this will weigh on me a little bit about what's going on with my eye. So let me just weigh 

Veronica: on you a lot. 

Rick: Correct. Let me go to the doctor before the weekend hits and just make sure everything's good.

And guess what? If it's not good. I'll get it taken care of. And then I'll move forward. And that's just, I know it's easy to [00:29:00] say, but it's very hard to implement when you're in the midst of chaos, which whatever is relevant to your situation that happens to be very sensitive to me because that was very traumatic.

The last one, 

Veronica: you're doing the best that you can. Right. And that's how we practice self compassion just as. Say to ourselves, it's okay. Of course, we're going to have anxiety. Look at what you went through last time. So just be kinder and gentler to yourself. 

Rick: It really applies to everything when these things pop up in our lives, because they will, things like this will come up in your life that aren't pleasant.

And it's really how you handle it. 

Veronica: So it's good to just be able to step back and have some self compassion for ourselves, especially during times that we're just feeling bummed out. All 

Rick: right. Yeah, because everyone that's listening or watching right now, I'm going to tell you right now, you're going to be okay.

No matter where we are in life, we're all very much programmed the same way. So I just want to throw that out there. Cause if anyone's listening to this and really struggling right now, no, you're [00:30:00] not alone. I know that sounds cliche, but it's so true. And we're all struggling in our own way. That's relevant to us.

Veronica: Yeah. And speaking of that, I mean, we're an example of that too, because we've gotten messages. about how, Oh, you have such a good relationship and you both speak to each other so kindly and so well, and this and that, and we're an example of that because it's not always Rosie. We're not always patient.

We're not always listening. We're not always communicating the way that we need to do. So that's just a reminder of like. We struggle too. Our relationship is really hard. We've had days we don't want to speak to each other. We want to throw each other out the window like it is hard. It's not easy. And we're just an example of that.

If you're listening to us like, Oh, I wish my relationship. 

Rick: Yeah, I'm so happy you brought that up. Because it's true for anyone that might view us a certain way that life is [00:31:00] great with us. It's you're so right. We have so many issues every single day, and I wish more people on social media would shine a light on that.

It has to always be the good stuff. It's always bothered me. And I guess people may not want to watch the negative, but I think talking about it and putting it out there is useful. You know, it actually is like, maybe I could relate to something that they're going through and feel. better about my life as opposed to see something that I can't do at that moment that may be real or fake and feel worse about myself.

Yeah. And it really bothers me. 

Veronica: Yeah. And it's important because we are child free to show that, yeah, we have these amazing, bright, shiny moments. And then we have. The really hard, difficult times where we're talking about how to step out of this anxiety, right? You know, it's important to know that just like everybody else lives, there's ups and there's downs and that we're part of it.

We're in this with you as well. So I just want to make sure that I put that out there. And then the last. So the first tip that we want to do is actually to take action because [00:32:00] oftentimes when we're stuck in that loop, we're actually not finding solutions. So it's about taking action to not stress. Um, one of our community members had brought up, well, what are you going to do as far as advanced directives or having a health proxy?

And that's something that people in our community do worry a lot about. But it's. Especially if they do have a partner, if the partner is no longer there, if they don't have any family around, they start worrying about what's going to happen. And taking action steps can be super, super helpful. Maybe the thing is you're going to look up what to do if you're not medically able to make a decision for yourself.

Who do you want to give that advice? Assignment too. And that's it. Maybe you spend the next three or four months thinking about that and then you look up how to go about doing that legally. Like, just take one small step. And then also, if you're worried about being alone in the [00:33:00] future, maybe you spent, you give yourself three to six months to connect with one person, right?

Spend this time, just find one connection. 

Rick: Can I share one thing that we were talking about leaving behind, you know, because that seems to be an action step and I love this and we're really considering it, saving, having a pool of money and saving it to put our name on a park. 

Veronica: Oh, right. Remember when we 

Rick: talked about that?

It's like, I thought that was such a good idea. It's beautiful. And we'd have our name, Rick and Veronica and the best part right underneath, no kids allowed. What do you think about that? The park? Yeah, it's a child free park. The park? Hey, money talks. If we have enough money, we can make that park anything we want.

But no, I mean, 

Veronica: but I mean, 

Rick: seriously, like leaving a park is something I'm really considering something that I would be excited that we do. 

Veronica: We had a park built near us that is so So gorgeous. But if you really pay attention to the park, it's there's plaques all over it. Like the lawn was [00:34:00] donated by so and so the few benches were donated by so and so this wall.

So I don't know if I will necessarily be able to do it. Maybe it'll be too expensive. I haven't done the research, maybe a water feature. 

Rick: Yeah, or a bench or a bench, 

Veronica: but we just enjoy the park so much. And so does Eddie. And we were like, okay, this is an example of something that we would feel good about our money going towards.

So yeah, it's just little action steps to think about without overwhelming yourself with everything on the screen. 

Rick: Back to the park thing real quick. I do want to mention that I'm seriously contemplating. This is breaking news to you Yeah, I've done a little research. Okay, I think I want my ashes Incorporated in soil and I want to be buried as part of the soil to fertilize a tree Okay.

I'm thinking about that. 

Veronica: Okay. 

Rick: So that's an example. I mean, I don't want to go belabor the doom and gloom thing of us not existing. I is 

Veronica: people do a lot. I know that it's probably sounds a little bit easier than it is. [00:35:00] It might be a little bit more complicated, but it's completely doable. Yeah. I've heard of that.

Rick: Yeah. Going back to self compassion, I do want to just emphasize one thing because self compassion I think is really key out of all these points that you made and identify, confront and soothe. Yeah. When you're talking to yourself, I really think those are the three things I want to leave people that are watching or listening, identify what's going on, confront it with bravery, and then go through a soothing process.

It works rinse and repeat that with things big or small. And. It will help. I see. Yes. Yes. Identify, 

Veronica: confront and soothe. 

Rick: That's a perfect acronym. 

Veronica: Okay, so we're going to leave everybody with that. And also just a reminder, since we are in the middle of summer, just to go out there and have some fun, because sometimes we talk about all the time, we're child free and we have all this freedom.

And sometimes we just Don't take advantage of it and you and I are being really mindful about taking advantage of whatever free time that [00:36:00] we have. We are definitely going to set up some fun for ourselves in the next couple of weeks while we are in hiatus. And I advise all of our friends to do the same so that we don't get stuck in any kind of ruminating thought about worry, fear, or anxiety.

Rick: I love it. And by the way, I'm really sad. This is the last episode of our first season. I 

Veronica: know. I know, and 

Rick: I love doing this, me and you have such great conversations. I mean, we're talking a lot like this during the day, all day, and sometimes that can annoy you, but it's so much fun for you to get a sliver of it.

Yeah. I mean, you know, ending of a season, it's like a big deal, you know, 

Veronica: you're acting like we're on the 10th season of friends or Seinfeld or 

Rick: something in my head. We are. In my head, this is the 10th season because we have so many more to come. 

Veronica: We'll basically see you in a few days. 

Rick: Yeah, exactly. 

Veronica: We've been taking a little break.

Yeah. But yeah. Thank you all so much. And we will see you very, very soon. 

Rick: Sounds good. Bye. 

Veronica: Bye. Bye. 

Rick: Bye.